Is there an upside to the sexual addiction epidemic?
Is there an upside to the sexual addiction epidemic?
Can anything good come out of the sexual addiction plague? Since before David watched Bathsheba bathe, leaders have become enslaved to sexual sin. Men and women alike have been so enchanted by the sirens' song that their lives have been destroyed. The flame of sexual addiction's unquenchable passion has consumed families and churches for centuries. It is nothing new. It seems quite clear, however, that it is getting worse. The advent of the Internet makes previously inaccessible contacts and materials fully available. An already sexually inebriated society staggers toward ruin. Again I ask, Can anything good come out of this sexual addiction epidemic?
I think so. God's grace always brings good out of bad. As Christian recovery responds to the addictive power of sexual sin, I see three hopeful trends emerging from the morass.
Dealing with What's Real
First, as Christians we are beginning to deal with what is real about our sexuality. A conservative estimate is that a third of all clergy are involved in sexual misconduct of some kind. More than half the men who attend Promise Keepers gatherings have viewed pornography in the previous week. So we have a lot of reality to deal with. Nevertheless, I see a gradual increase in honest discussion of this topic. And that is a good thing. This issue of STEPS is a part of that discussion. We have published an issue of STEPS on this subject before, and it was our most requested issue ever. It's time for another one.
Taking the Lead
A second trend is that a significant number of Christians are leaders in discussions of sexual addiction issues. Though the Church has often been tardy on important societal problems we are at the forefront of this issue. Quality books, reputable and effective counselors and clinics, and growing church-based ministries like the ones introduced in this issue are rising from the Christian ranks. Even secular sexual addiction recovery groups use materials produced by Christians.
Just as basic Christian principles provided the foundation for Alcoholics Anonymous, the emerging sexual addiction recovery movement is finding helpful material in the Christian tradition. There is a long biblical record of people struggling with idolatrous attachments. From Scripture and from life we know about the ensnaring power of sin. We know about powerlessness. We know that self-sufficiency doesn't work and that without God we can do nothing. All of these simple biblical truths give us the edge in understanding sexual addiction and in providing help.
New Models
A third trend I've observed is that sexual addiction recovery is creating helpful models for dealing with many tough issues in life. The "three circles," embraced by Sex Addicts Anonymous, is a simple model that I have personally found helpful.
In the inner circle of this model we write all the activities that we are committed to avoiding. These are the activities that have been demoralizing and compulsively ensnaring. These are the ones from which we seek to abstain entirely. In a larger circle drawn around the inner circle, we create a middle circle. This circle contains a list of all the behaviors we consider to be questionably moral or at risk of leading us toward our inner-circle behaviors. These are the gray-area behaviors. An overeater might list "occasional dessert" here. A sex addict might list "surfing the Net." It might be a problem; it might not. And we don't need to avoid it in the same way that we avoid our inner-circle activities. But it needs attention, because it could easily move us into an inner-circle behavior at any time. Not everything in life is right or wrong. Life includes the Romans 14 and 1 Corinthians 8 and 9 kind of gray-area behaviors. But because addicts are often tripped up by black-and-white thinking, an important part of our growth is to define "neutral" behaviors.
A third circle, the outer circle, is drawn around the other two. In this circle we write all the things we are committed to doing that will assist our spiritual growth and recovery—things like working the Twelve Steps, reading related recovery material, studying the Bible, and being appropriately sexual with our marriage partner. We include anything that contributes positively to our recovery. It could be "taking an art class" or "fly-fishing."
Fly-fishing? Well, it may not work for everybody, but it works for me. I have discovered that this activity calms my soul. Although I've caught only one fish so far, I've captured some priceless moments of personal reflection and bonding with the Father when I've paused to cast. It pulls my whole being into a receptive spot for spiritual growth and creativity.
Each of us needs such simple, restful disciplines. All of us who struggle with compulsive behavior recognize our tendency to avoid activities that nurture our souls. We tend to be too consumed, too busy. When Jesus told us to consider the lily, he was no doubt taking the time to gaze at the flower as he spoke. When we enhance our lives and heal our hearts with such outer-circle endeavors we do an end run around the driving force of our addictions. We build hopeful, productive lives.
If you are a sex addict, may you find hope, insight and grace in this issue of STEPS. If you are not a sex addict please approach this subject with humility. We can learn from each other's struggles. Each of us can participate in the redemptive process of extracting good from the bad.
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The Lover of My Soul by: Stephen Modawell 5-25-2005
Christian Sexual Intimacy Conference-Free by: Michelle 3-31-2004 addiction by: Mendoza 11-11-2003 Resource by: Robert Reschar 7-1-2003 Homosexuality and Sexual Addiction by: Tonya Roberts 3-18-2003 sex addiction by: curt douglas 1-14-2003 Christian Sexual Addiction Recovery Groups by: Pastor TJ McNew 12-18-2002 |